Loves Me--Loves Me Not

Nothing feels normal about being rejected or feeling betrayed by someone to whom you've given your heart. Let's just get that settled right away. I'll tell you what the normal is: hurt, disbelief, anger, grief, depression, guilt, all the things you don't want anyone to know you're really feeling. I've seen a lot of couples in counseling that have decided this is the last effort to make it work. Some work things out and some just go to the sessions as a means to fill an agreement. It's unfortunate that 100% aren't completely mended but the statistics show us that it's a split almost right down the middle,and that is in Christian couples. I firmly believe in counseling and encourage you to look into it if you are in a relationship, and especially prior to marriage. Even if it doesn't yield the results you were hoping for, it will help you to get to the next step. It might even give you the courage you've needed to make some hard core decisions about your life and those in it. Don't consider counseling as an end to your relationship. Consider it the beginning to a healthier you. You deserve to care for yourself.

I look at the life of Hosea and think about how desperate his situation was. God told this prophet to marry a woman that was going to be unfaithful. He knew it from the beginning, yet he still married her. She may have had good intentions but that was not enough to make a solid marriage. You may be experiencing the kind of humiliation Hosea went through but just like his situation, God is a redeemer. He is able to rekindle or create a pure love between you and yours. He delights in making things that seem hopeless, into something more beautiful than it started. It is not too late. God longs to set your course on a path that is filled with peace. Please don't settle for less. You deserve to be cherished. And yes, it is possible! Just open your heart to Christ. He will whisper love songs to you that will never fade. Beloved, God is in love with you right now, just as you are.

Am I Moving?

I saw a picture of a building under construction. The foundation had been faulty and was being redone in areas, while walls were coming up on the sides where the foundation was strong. I was dreaming of course but there was no doubt in my spirit what this building represented...it was a picture of me. It was surrounded by sky scrapers so my mind thought only one thing. I was meant to be a sky scraper too. God was so patient with my arrogance. He explained how the size of the building had no relevance at this point. The foundation was the issue and if it wasn't corrected, there would be nothing to build upon. I was skeptical since the walls were being constructed at such a slow rate. He seemed a lot more positive; He was holding the blueprints and could visualize the finished structure.

He told me to be patient with the building process and not to abandon the construction. It would be a strong place to dwell if I did not concern myself with the size of the finished structure but would focus on the hidden parts that make it durable. He never showed me the blueprints. And His words still echo in my mind about the foundation being the most important feature. I'm optimistic about the progress, hopeful that walls are coming on up. I would be thrilled if it were completely closed in and ready for a decorator...now THAT would be some progress. The Holy spirit continues to remind me that slow progress is still progress. When building a structure meant to withstand all kinds of storms and perils, the process has to be precise and methodical.

We are moving my friend. It might take a while and some things may have to undergo some reconstruction. But that is okay. We are going to be better because of it.

Another Chance

That's what I'm hoping for this year...another chance. Most of my friends and family already know, but sharing my heart about even the ugly issues has always helped my healing process. On Christmas Eve, I found out I was expecting our 5th baby. I admit I had mixed emotions since I'm 40 yrs old, one about to leave for college and one still in diapers...not to mention the expense. I was also pretty adamant about this child being a girl. I just couldn't picture another boy added to the crew. On New Year's Eve, I had a miscarriage. I don't think I can properly explain all the emotions I've felt since then but the most dominant one is grief. I lost the baby and it overwhelmed my heart with such sorrow, I had no strength to fight the depression. I immediately asked for prayer because, well you just know when you've gotta have it. So thanks a million to all of you that prayed for me. It has made and is making all the difference in my life and outlook toward the future.

I've learned a couple of things through this experience I'd like to pass along. The first is to be grateful...in EVERY situation. I honestly thought (and prided myself) that I was a grateful person. I've always made an effort to put others first, tried to be thankful in tough times, rejoiced with others when things were great for them, etc. Oh, but God got my attention in a new way. I've learned that we don't place demands on God. When He gives a gift, its His choosing about what it is and how its delivered. HE is the giver, and HE is the taker of those gifts if we choose to turn our nose up at how He desires to bless us. We have been taught for a long time to claim what we desire in Jesus name and we can have it. But that's not the case when we forget He has a plan that just might deviate from the one in our finite brains. When we've surrendered our lives to Him, we have committed to letting Him have control. I thought I'd learned this a long time ago but obviously some things got lost along the way. Maybe this can be a reminder to all of us that we can forget what we've placed in God's hands, but He doesn't forget and being grateful through it all can prove very beneficial. I can now say, if given another opportunity to birth a child, gender is no longer an issue. I trust that God has a greater plan and gives what is best for us. If I'm not given another opportunity, I have to accept that and trust that God has a different plan for me. I know He is my Father who loves and cares more deeply for me than any other person in this world so please don't misunderstand my intentions here. I know God allows life to happen, which includes bad and good. I'm not implying that He did this to teach me a lesson. He has always treated me better than I deserved, trust me. But since He allowed this to take place, I couldn't avoid the writing on my heart that is causing me to pay closer attention.

Secondly, I'm learning the importance of release. I guess that's my word for this new year..Release. But from a different standpoint. I've come to realize it makes for a difficult journey if you've released God's blessings over a life that's full of junk. How about releasing some junk first so God's blessings don't feel like a band aid and instead, will fill your heart with joy and fulfillment. I'm having to let go of some deep wounds and great insecurities. It is proving very hard to master but I know I'm not alone in this. God is right here to help! I've had a hard time understanding why mature Christians didn't share the same morals I have. But I cannot force people to live my convictions. A relationship with God is a personal thing and must be for each individual. My personal convictions are just mine. I can not place them on another. It's not my duty to enforce a certain moral belief system into one's life. So I'm trying to release control of what I'm not suppose to be trying to control in the first place...trying to watch over everybody and keep them in line does make one tired and frustrated anyway.

It doesn't have to be my way or no way. I truly want God's way. And I'm now willing to get completely out of the way in order for Him to show me the right way! Whew!! As you can see, I still need prayer...got a long way to go.