As 2008 ends

Looking back over this year has not been easy for me. 2008 has come and gone almost at a blur but not without leaving its mark. Most of it has been used up by simply bracing myself for the next storm coming into my life. However, I say that with respect to the Lord for His grace through everything. It has not only been a difficult year but it has also been one of great moments and rays of sunshine behind every cloud. I guess sort of bittersweet is a way of wording it. I didn't expect all the storm clouds but they seemed to roll in so quickly following one another and bracing myself seemed like the only way to handle things at times.

I experienced the highlight of my year just within the past few days. As you know I have been posting about my friend next door that was diagnosed with cancer. I remember the day we met. I was out clearing some overgrown hedges between our houses when she walked over. Her words were "girl, you sure know how to clear out some weeds."(The fact that I was using so much energy with all the wrong tools was funny. I think I lost about 5 lbs. that day just from sweating.) She introduced herself and from that day on we became friends. I didn't realize at the time how different our views were but soon learned how adamant she was about her beliefs. Needless to say we didn't talk much about Christianity for awhile. During this battle with cancer we have grown to be close and have shared much of our personal journeys with one another. Some of those times have been filled with both of us crying while other times were full of laughter but all of it worth getting to know each other without pretense. We all meet too many superficial people in life so its nice to meet someone you know is real. You know that feeling of clarity when you are getting to know the real person inside and that means more to me than words can express. Well Anne-Marie is the real thing. At some point during this crisis she got interested in learning about faith. Having faith in someone that you felt had let you down through the years can prove to be very difficult for a person.

I have watched a transformation in Anne-Marie's life like none other. Just a few days ago I went over to check on her and wish her a Merry Christmas. We talked for a little while and after a few moments with tears swelling in her eyes she simply stated, "I believe". That was the moment of moments! I knew the change had already taken place deep in her heart. We talked a few more minutes, she prayed the sinner's prayer with me and then finished with prayers of her own. It was that moment of overwhelming joy I had been longing to feel all year. I feel so privileged to have been there to witness the occasion. And she has the peace she so desperately needs during this time in her life. After all of the doubts about moving to Pensacola and the questions of "Lord, what are we doing here?!", my husband could not have said it better...His words were "It was worth it. If we came here for that one person and that one purpose, it was all worth it". And I say Amen to that.
What a day! What a year!

A Holly Jolly Christmas...

Christmas was wonderful. I trust it was great for your family as well. This entire Holiday Season has been great for me. I have enjoyed the closeness of our family and being able to share extra time with them. We scoped out several local areas to take the kids to enjoy the Christmas lights and we were not disappointed. From the smallest of displays to the largest, they all offered something new at every stop and it turned out to be a source of great fun for all of us. I think we found a different display every night of the week leading into Christmas Day. I found one online called Pensacola Lights that I thought would be nice so off we went. It wasn't very large but the lights were synchronized with some great Christmas music so every beat of the music brought a different light to view. When there was a crescendo, all the lights were in full view. It turned out to be pretty cool and I think it was the kids favorite. And I did get the shopping done but not without Johnny's assistance. He was a huge help even with the gift ideas. Joshua proved to be the hardest to shop for this year. He had one thing on his list so we had to come up with some ideas for him and it wasn't easy. It didn't take us very long to realize he already had too much stuff. OH, somehow we managed to stick to our budget! That in itself was amazing.

Living in the city in Pensacola has its down side when it comes to large open area for the kids to enjoy all their stuff. So the excitement was running pretty high by the time we loaded the van to set out for the farm in Alabama. There are acres and acres for them to run around at the farm and its so peaceful and quiet. I love to be there. Once there, the boys were free to roam and play as much as their imagination would let them. David spent most of his time riding his little motorcycle or jeep. When the batteries died on one vehicle he would get out his plastic tool set and try to fix it until bored with that. Then he would hop on the other vehicle until PaPa could recharge the batteries. Joshua used most of his time finding new targets for his BB gun. Thankfully we left the farm with no injured cows or donkeys, no dead chickens, no mad dogs, and few scared cats. There may be several traumatized fish but we'll never know unless they float to the top! I'd say that was pretty good considering it was his first time. Amber was having a great time until her cell phone and IPod died. I told her to pack everything she would need but...well, you would have thought her world had come to a screeching halt. She was ready to pack up and come home...just for a charger! Teenagers! We did enjoy getting to do something with just the two of us. Amber and I went to the movies to see Seven Pounds. She and I both cried and cried. I think she was still sniffling when we got back in the van. And Michael got two bottom teeth! They broke through the skin like a bright ray of sunshine after a rainy morning. He also started eating table food. I found that he likes eggs, french fries, sucked the juice right out of a pickle, tolerates grits (he makes awful faces), had his first tootsie roll sucker (kept saying umm, ummm), and he would eat fresh peas if he could feed them to himself. Of all the foods he tried I think the grits were the most challenging to clean up. We won't be doing those much until he gets a little older! Oh and paper! He likes to eat paper too. We'll have to watch him about that one.

Johnny and I managed to get in some quality time together as well. We even made it to our old stomping ground (Dothan) to check out the new shops there. Traffic hasn't changed. Its still awful. We had lunch at our favorite Mexican restaurant and also took in a movie, Valkyrie. The entire trip was great. Its nice to be home though and back to my own bed.

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All I Want For Christmas Is...

I have not bought one Christmas gift yet. Surprisingly, I'm not concerned. I normally get a bit out of shape when things are not done or at least well underway by this close to Christmas but I'm serious when I say that events of last year really changed my perspective. For those of you new to the blog you can better understand that statement by reading the post from December 2007. My neighbor is doing well and remains a close friend. Her daughter has struggled in such terrible ways this year its just too sad to post the details. We thought she was dying about a month ago and were called to the hospital in a hurry but it wasn't time because she bounced back within a few days and is now back home trying to regain strength. I know she doesn't understand all the things happening in her life and has said that on numerous occasions. I certainly wish I had the answers. I wish with all my heart she would be miraculously healed by the power of God and yet I also realize He knows so much more than I do. I really should be asking to see as He sees because I would probably then be able to grasp the things already done in her life that I've yet to see from the surface.

Its great to be alive! Its a miracle we are all still here and enjoying our lives as we know them to be. God help us to be grateful as we should be for the breath you have given us and continue to give day after day. Help us to pause right now and realize how great it is to be in Your Presence moment after moment, from one breath to the next. As Thomas said, "My Lord and My God!" Let's cherish every moment we have with one another this year and always. Let this Christmas be the one you decide will mark your moment of healing, your moment of hilarious giving, your moment of overwhelming joy, your life's legacy changed so it includes those you thought wouldn't matter. They do matter. And it does count. Let's answer Our Father's call to not only remember what has been done in our lives but answer His beckoning to step into the unknown where Faith alone will cause us to have Hope. (But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Romans 8:24) Now is the time for all of us!

8 is Great!

As I said to a few of you in emails...yes, we had 2 parties within 1 week of each other! Although I'm a little tired it was worth it. We have had so much fun. I couldn't let Joshua's birthday slip away without sharing it as well. He turned 8 this year and I honestly think I've bought him a pair of jeans every week for about a month now. He's growing sooo fast and getting tall like his dad. He said this was the best birthday ever and 8 was great. I remember a couple of birthdays that stood out from the others but not the age. I do remember that being a kid was alot of fun because the only thing that consumed my mind was having fun with whatever I had that day to play with. Of course the simple fact that it was considered only my day made it more special to me. My dad couldn't always buy me a gift and there were more than a few birthdays that I didn't receive anything material wise but I always remember having fun. He always made sure of that. I got to play in the dirt with my brother's special cars, play in the rain, go on longer bike rides, go fishing alone and take my dad's lures ( that was a big thing)(of course it didn't dawn on me that he could see me from the backyard!). But there was always something done that made the day extra special. And I hope through the years that I can do the same for my children. Its not about the amount of money spent or not spent. Its about showing them how special they really are and how important they are to making this family complete. Enjoy the pics!

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Sweet 16

Let's see...it all started and ended with a bang. First, we went back to the church in Ozark, AL to celebrate its 10th Anniversary. It was such an honor to be back and among those we care for so deeply. Upper Room, we had a wonderful time with you all!

Secondly, upon arriving back home, clutter gone, garage getting decorated and party prep well on its way, the fun kicked in for all of us anticipating Amber's 16th birthday. And right in the middle of all the chaos stood Thanksgiving. What a day! It was soooo nice to take a break from all the party preparations to enjoy a wonderful day with my family. We decided against the traditional turkey/ham meal and went outside to enjoy the grill. Amber and I tried to play badminton which proved to be slightly difficult with no net. Last year a storm took out our old net and we have not replaced it. However we made great efforts toward playing anyway and decided to add our own personal touches to the game including the traditional grunting you hear with professional tennis! Some of it was play, some of it was real! The boys took all the tennis balls and continuously bounced them off the trampoline which proved to be quite fun for them. Michael sat quietly in his Bouncy watching Dad grill and us girls grunt like crazies. He was so quiet I forgot to bring him in the house when all the food was ready. Needless to say, Johnny remembered and brought the little tyke inside. We all shared time with one another and it was a great Thanksgiving.

Among the many things going on were the few moments we captured as Amber practiced her lines for the History Fair (portraying Eleanor Roosevelt's granddaughter, which by the way is still alive at the age of 84). The boys had a great time playing with the different wigs we have on hand and I just had to include a few photos. With all the sewing done and decorations finished, I could finally take a deep breath. Sigh. Let the party begin....
Okay, it started storming about 45 minutes before the party. BUT the kids still kept coming. Joshua became quite the Host as he answered the door, greeted all the guests, and guided them to the garage. David became quite the dancer as he took charge in leading the way for twisting those hips. You'll notice in the photos he loved the blow up microphones. And no, he would not share. The teens had fun and went out on the back in spite of the weather to enjoy their pizza and Root Beer floats. After a couple of hours(Guitar Hero is the blame), I finally announced the driver to the mall was leaving if anyone still planned to go. We loaded up and took them all away. I now realize why women during the 50's era always spent so much time washing their hair. I thought it was just an excuse for more time to prepare but now I know differently. While they were away at the mall, I spent the time trying to wash out all the hairspray from my hair. And finally, after doing a conditioning treatment yesterday on the heels of many washings, just today my hair is feeling normal again. Overall, I have to say it was a BLAST! And while taking another breath I look back and think of how proud I am to be a Mom and wife of a wonderful man. My daughter is growing up so quickly and the opportunities for her to excel are boundless. I am thankful for her witt, her intelligence, her sincerity, and her love for life. She might be 16 but she will always be my baby girl.

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Clutter Update!

Well I continued to think about Nehemiah and his success. His plan to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem were successful ultimately because of God's favor towards him. The plan worked also because it included helpers. So I made a personal note of this interesting fact and decided to make a call to the willing hearts, the strong armed warriors, those individuals that would share themselves for a greater good. I am wonderfully surprised at the enthusiam of my husband, daughter, and 7 yr old son. They have stepped up to bat and literally removed the bat and all its accessories from the garage. Hallelujah!!! Thank YA!


I have also appealed to the masses...taken it to the streets. So my neighbor has gone the extra mile. Upon receiving my plea for help she came over and personally carried the pool ladder you see pictured in the previous blog, over to her own storage area in her backyard. She also opened up her storage area to house my pool, wheelbarrow, Christmas tree, lawnmower, other lawn equipment, bicycles...should I keep going with this list? She gave me an extra waste can since I was able to toss some things while the kids were looking elsewhere. What an angel!!!

Lots of Clutter

I finally bit the bullet, forced a smile, and entered the danger zone...my garage. Much to my dismay it has gotten WAY out of hand and unorganized. Over the past 2 years I have thrown STUFF in there and walked away quickly with my eyes closed. I guess if I didn't look at it directly, it wouldn't affect me. Was I ever wrong! It has come back to haunt me at the worst possible time. My daughter has her 16th birthday party on the heels of Thanksgiving and guess where the teens will gather? Yep, our garage. And what's worse is the fact that it was MY suggestion they have it in there to cut down on party expenses...What in the world was I thinking?! I knew the minute it was out of my mouth there would be one person cleaning up that horrible mess and it wouldn't be my daughter, or my husband, or my 3 yr old, or my 7 yr old. I won't even take the baby in there at all. I'm the type person that will throw it all away no matter about sentiment if its not being used or hasn't been used in a while. So I was thinking all I needed was a construction bin for everything, toss it all in and WAA LA, all would be done...time to decorate. But then my husband comes into the picture. It seems that he has some things in that garage that he would like to keep. Also one by one each child has voiced their preference of things they desire to hold onto. My plan has been aborted. I won't be needing the construction bin or even extra waste cans. The one lone black can from the city will do fine.

Well, being the thinker that I am I have decided the CLEAN look will do fine for decor. My daughter doesn't share the same vision of course but I can see how simply clean can be sooo appealing. Just as I was about to put my mommy authority to work, you know the Lord would have to speak. He always gets me right when it counts! Mouth shut, ears attentive, heart apprehensive, expecting to hear great encouragement, and He says..."Just who's party is this anyway? Is it yours? Wasn't it your idea to make it something special for Amber? Why are you so agitated about removing the clutter? Don't you know its going to make things much better? And a little time of decorating is going to prove to be worth it for your daughter."
Yes, I pouted. Then I put my lip back in, took a deep breath and went back to work. Hey I wonder if Nehemiah ever had a day like this when he was working on the wall. He always seemed to have it together. I mean this guy had a PLAN and made things happen. I could use him about now. Oh God, send me some Nehemiah's!!!

I figure as I lose myself in the work (or the clutter at this point) maybe the Lord will speak again and we'll have a better conversation this time. It seems that I have some inside clutter He is dealing with while I'm working on the obvious. Isn't it like the Lord to use something as simple as cleaning my garage to stress the need for de-cluttering my heart? Wonder how He will want me to decorate in there... probably add some fruit.

Questions?

I was listening to a radio broadcast yesterday when this precious lady called in to ask about her deceased son. It seems he had given his life to the Lord after living wildly for years. A few months following his conversion to Christianity, at the age of 33, he committed suicide by drug overdose. This lady was devastated of course. Her simple question was this: Where is my son now? Did he go to Heaven after taking his life? Well I personally held my breath for a moment, wondering what these counselors would say in response to this question. Only wisdom followed and it flowed over the airwaves like the breath of the Lord Himself. I could just see in my mind's eye the freedom coming to this lady that had been so confused and heartbroken. It was an amazing few minutes and transforming for sure. Such a simple explanation came...Yes, they felt this man went to Heaven was their answer. The counselor went on to state the taking of his own life was very similar to being in bondage of other addictions, and none of those things negate the fact that we have asked Jesus Christ to come into our heart, forgive us of sins, and live in us forever.

I thought about their response all afternoon. It hit home to me. I had that very same question when my uncle died of overdose while claiming his Christianity. And it had left me confused as well. But to take it a step further are the answers to questions like...Can I extend forgiveness openly to someone that is not ready to receive it? Can my new marriage be blessed since I was aware of what Scripture says about divorce? Am I really a Christian if I'm still addicted to drugs? Am I saved if I can't stop myself from doing things I know are wrong? The answer my friend is YES, YES, YES, YES! Listen carefully, if you have asked Jesus Christ to forgive you of sin and live in your heart, your salvation does not become ineffective or invalid just because your problems don't immediately disappear. Its your victorious life that is denied its proper health. Stop wondering if you're really saved! Start surrendering to Christ these issues that nullify your victory. Please realize God placed people in positions of Counsel, Psychiatry, Drug Abuse Centers, and many other areas where help is needed in making The Lord's Voice the one you hear the loudest. So don't be afraid to ask for help.

I was once told you can't extend forgiveness to someone that's hurt you if they are not willing to accept it from you. Sadly I believed this to be truth. Later experience has proven to me the myth in that statement. I personally wrestled with a situation for a long time and not finding closure left me with too many questions and unrest. I prayed and prayed but still unrest. One day while out shopping our paths crossed and there we stood. I knew it was time to settle the unrest in my heart. So I extended the forgiveness right there in WalMart. Suddenly the tears began to flow from their eyes. I realize that might not be the scene that accompanies your situation because we all have different issues and oftentimes very stubborn people involved. But I do know extending forgiveness is a good idea. It not only closed the chapter for me; it shut the book on that situation.

We make mistakes. And we have to pay the costs from those mistakes but do we have to pay a forever price? No, we don't. God's mercies are new every morning and His love endures forever! You can get past where you are. And God will bless you my friend. He longs to give you rest and peace from every issue that tries to destroy your victory. My prayer is that you will see yourself in the light of God's Word and realize victory is worth the fight. I want to see you free!

Test Day!

I'm thinking of two words today. One will probably bring a smile to your lips while the other causes you to cringe...Praise and Affliction. Let me guess which one brought the smile. It had the same affect on me as well. I found something interesting the other day about praise. Proverbs 27:21 tells us that man is tested by the praise he receives. And just above that scripture it says just like water reflects our faces, a man's heart reflects who he really is. I had to stop for a moment when I read these scriptures.

I have heard numerous times throughout my life of how affliction tests the individual and alot of ministers use the book of JOB to clarify this point. I do understand this and agree that affliction definitely tests us to the core but I'm also wondering about praise. What does it do for us? Few people walk in balance so I'm looking at the two extremes of what praise can do. For some, it is like a glass of ice tea on a hot summer afternoon. It brings a smile to the heart and lifts the downcast eyes of alot of people that feel no one ever notices their efforts. For others, it answers the invitation of pride that has been knocking and pursuing the heart. How does praise affect you? Do you find yourself working to receive it? Do you find yourself working harder after you've gotten it?

Can you see now how praise can be used to test us? Its amazing isn't it! I never saw it before but it clearly makes sense. People of great character are not swayed by words that flow from others lips. They continue to live out their own convictions in light of their relationship with Jesus Christ. They remain steadfast in doing the right thing whether its in the eyes of many or only in the eyes of the One that truly matters. It would be silly of us to stop praising others for their great work but we can change the way we approach it. Give it from a pure conscious, knowing they deserve honor where it is due. Also pray about how it is received on a personal basis, whether you are the one receiving or giving. It has certainly made me think about my reaction to it. Quite honestly I have found myself at both ends of the spectrum. And I am uncomfortable in either extreme because it is not where my Lord desires for me to be. A balanced Christian life is so important if we want to be people of integrity. And Christ is trying to help us become that kind of bride.

So remember the next time you hear your neighbor talking about how bad they are experiencing troubles or Affliction...their test might have a different cover than yours but the test of Praise is just as important and counts for a grade as well.

Special Tribute

Today is my Dad's birthday if he were still with us. Normally I would be calling him right about now and singing "Happy Birthday" over the phone but since that is no longer a possibility, I would like for this post to be a special tribute to him. These photos range from several years back up to present day. They are just a few of the moments I would have loved to share with him. Although I know he has seen my life from Heaven, I still miss his hugs and his quick kisses on the cheek.

In Memory...Wilmer Tillery...a very caring person and wonderful Dad.

Renewed Vision

Wow...it's amazing what friends can do! Just to know that someone cares when you think no one is even listening leaves me with such a renewed vision. It makes me want to do more, listen more intently, walk more upright, smile more, work with greater vigor. I have lots of acquaintances but few real friends so I say a BIG thank you for letting me be myself and letting me be free to vent and express my oftentimes ugly feelings.

And to those friends I certainly say thanks for hanging in there with this blog spot. I am encouraged to write again and in hopes that it will make a difference in all our lives as we share with one another about life and its happenings. I will be bringing the photos along shortly. If you have already received some of the photos by email, well enjoy again! I am currently in the process of organizing old ones and incorporating a slide show. There is one hold up though. I'm looking for some discs. Yeah, Mrs. Organization, that's me...heheh

Please be patient as I try to finish the year with more thoughts actually being posted instead of dreaming they will miraculously publish themselves.

R & R

That's what I've been trying to learn how to do...rest and relax. You'd think most of us would know how to relax but it's hard to make yourself completely rest when your brain fights every attempt you make towards relaxation. I honestly believe it is the plan of the devil to keep us stressed out so we cannot focus on the important things. But even God rested on the Sabbath so I know my fragile body and mind need a break. I've always heard you find out who you really are when you're under pressure. That's true. Its also true that you find out who you can quickly become if left to operate day after day without proper rest. You become a stranger to others and even to yourself. I know I have asked myself many times why I did such and such on a particular day or acted uncharacteristic towards friends and family.

I am currently encouraging myself to take time for me. I have to enjoy who I am before others can benefit. Whether it means I grab a chair and sit in the garage for 15 minutes alone or drive 30 minutes to sit on the beach and watch the sunset, it is my responsibility to give my mind and body its best medicine. And when I'm still, I hear the Lord's voice so much clearer. Does that happen for you too? Don't we all want to hear Him better? During the past several years with adding to our family, I had slowly forgotten about myself. And I woke up one morning asking "Who am I really?". I didn't have an answer and that scared me. Who did I want to be? That answer scared me even more. It showed me my own selfish ambitions. Am I just a wife and mother? Will I always be wife and mom? So what if I am just wife and mom? Is that such a bad thing? No I'm not hung up on titles and I've never been one to be impressed with others titles either so that's not what this is about. Its about taking the time to get familiar with ourselves again. Its about finding your true identity and never wondering about it again. Wife and Mom is the heart of where I thrive. Its my station that I am proud to oversee and protect. Most of this year has been used up by too much stress. I want to change that and I want those changes for you as well. So how can we experience freedom from stress? I believe truth is the beginning. When we allow truth to penetrate our hearts deep enough, it will enlighten us about the important things in our lives, the really important things. And I am finding that R&R are close to the top of the list for me. My relationships are not getting what they deserve when I am not at my best. Stress is a source of pain for too many families. I want us all to live free...able to examine ourselves, work out the kinks, and embrace the person God is creating within us. I feel a little back yard calling with a good book and a nice breeze. What about you? What's demanding your attention right now?