The Disabled List

I admit it...I am a sports fan. Yet I am easily swayed from the game for a good shopping spree any day. I like to watch my favorite players because they handle themselves with such ease it makes me feel like even I could play. I am disappointed during the times they are on the bench and not an active part of the game.

As I was sitting in church this morning my heart began to cry so loud within me I thought for a minute those around me might hear it. I know the Lord has benched me for awhile now because of injury...I remember specifically asking him for it because the pain was so great I didn't think I could be any good for the team at that time in my life. So I gladly surrendered my position and had a seat. During this process as healing began to take place and wounds were beginning to close, I have had the wonderful opportunity to grab my gear and head back on the field. But not for the duration of the game. It has only been for short periods and back to the bench I go. I have often wondered why I remain there. It seems like the wounds are gone! I know my place is on the field with the rest of my teammates. Why am I still sitting here? But as I look at my heart with a more careful eye, I begin to see the scars that are still red around the edges. Scars don't go away but they do fade. They become a reminder of what happened but no longer a source of pain. Yes I am tired of the sidelines. I miss the action. I miss the fulfillment of going out there in my gear and taking my position on the field. I miss being out there with my team. Say what you want but it is not the same on the bench. Yes you are still part of the team but the exhilaration is not there. Instead it is replaced with loneliness. And you begin to second guess yourself, wondering if you will eventually be replaced altogether. So my heart was crying out this morning. I want to take my position. I want to use my gear, not just wear it. How long must I remain on the DL? Yes the injuries were painful and I have needed the rest. And they will always be a reminder to be more careful in the future. I am pleading my cause with the coach...please let me back on the field. I am strengthened by my team. I need them and they need me. I will listen to the instructors that keep telling us to brush up on the basic fundamentals. I have a new appreciation of the importance of practice. I don't know if my pleading will get me back in the game right now or not. But I have to ask anyway. As I sit on the bench with my heart at my feet I wonder if these scars will fade a little more by morning. Cause it looks like they are getting dimmer to me. I think I should point that out to the coach. I'm going over there right now. I tell him I feel ready and I show him the fading scars. He tells me that I am indeed getting stronger. I tell him I really want to get back out there. He tells me to be patient. I tell him I am lonely. He gives me a hug. So finally I ask him just how much longer will it be? He winks at me.

Under Construction

Oh to live with no regrets! That would be so nice but seems almost impossible for most of us. It seems like I have something to confess every single day of my life. I'm just thankful that God hasn't grown tired of handing out grace to me everytime I approach Him. "Work in progress" is an understatement when it is applied to my life. "Demolition Site" seems more appropriate at times. My flesh fights God so hard when He begins to tear down old walls, old plumbing that wasn't put in correctly the first time, and light fixtures that aren't bright enough for others to be able to see without stumbling. God help me to stop fighting your hands! You are my father! I want to trust you with my life. This demolition site doesn't look very appealing right now and that causes me shame and heartache. But help me to see that you have drawn specific plans concerning me and you have already calculated the cost and paid for the completed project. And even though I'm still in Phase I and seem to be behind schedule, allow my eyes to see what you see. Help me to know your heart and believe with mine.

Love that Covers

I am learning that allowing love to cover a multitude of sins means that sometimes we choose to cover an offense done to us by not talking about it with others. Our testimony of how God has helped us will have a right time, place, and person where it can be shared for God's Glory. However, talking about it with all who will listen might help relieve our stress but what will it do to the one that you have forgiven the offense? Will they be edified by your telling of their offense or would they be better served by you keeping it to yourself? Love is not selfish, it is kind to others.